What is on the checklist of Independence Parenting?

What should be included in a checklist of things to cover when discussing Independence Parenting?

The ability to obey is always high on everyone's list for parenting of any kind, how does that work in this situation? The final product is where I'd start that discussion. Who will our children obey when they grow up, ideally? Their professors in college, their bosses and the law, to name just a few. Then there is the point of obeying principles. We all hope our children will live by high principles and ideals of society. To do that, they must obey moral laws that aren't guided by a particular person or institution, such as the principles of integrity and hard work (maybe these are one in the same in many ways...but I digress). So what is it we need to teach our children so that they will strive to obey in ways imposed by outside forces AND imposed by internal values?

They will need first and foremost self-control. If they do not learn this then how will they proceed to succeed in anything else?

Failure, although not allowed by big corporations any more, must be part of the life of every child. Without failure they will never learn the key to much success in life that is built upon resiliency. Studies have shown the one of the most important thing that college students need to learn in order to succeed and complete their college degrees is resiliency (McGillin, 2003). This is also true also of our children's ability to overcome adversity.

Now I don't know about you but I have faced plenty of adversity in my life and were I not able to overcome it, I would be a very unhappy and unsuccessful person indeed! But in order to build my ability to overcome failure, one thing my parents did was to let me fail in small things and overcome them. As I grew up I failed at many things, but my parents keep having faith in me to do better next time! That support and encouragement was one of the keys to my learning from failure and not being defeated by failure.

So there are just a few points to ponder about independence parenting; obedience, resiliency, self-control, failure, encouragement and the importance of faith from others.

Let's talk again soon...leave some of your comments!

Reference:
McGillin, V.A. (2003). Academic Risk and Resilience: Implications for Advising at Small Colleges and Universities. In Hemwall, M.K. & Trachte, K.C. (Eds.) Advising and Learning: Academic Advising from the Perspective of Small Colleges & Universities.

Signs that you will have adult children who will bounce back home.

If your kids are old enough to have a job but...
1. You still cook all their food.
2. You still do their laundry.
3. You clean up their messes outside their bedrooms. That includes clothes, dishes, trash, paperwork, magazines, etc. that they leave for the "housekeeper".
4. You can't bear the thought of your kids dealing with the stress of a deadline to move out before they are 30.
5. You still have to wake up your kid every morning or tell them when to go to bed.
6. You are compelled to solve any problem they have, make any calls they need to make or research anything they need to research. All they have to do is tell you of a problem they have to solve and you jump into action!
7. You fix things for them whenever they mess up.

That is just a start, but if you answer "yes" to more than one or two of these questions, don't bother making plans for what you are going to do with their bedroom. They will be needing it for years to come.

Next blog...inspiration and hope!